I’ve learned a lot during this life experience but today I am going to share a few recent “lessons”. First, the above mentioned one.
It seems there is some unspoken rule that you shouldn’t find out the sex of your baby the first time around. That part of the “joy” of pregnancy is the SURPRISE at the end when you learn if it’s a boy or a girl. (I put joy in quotes for a VERY good reason which I promise to explain in my next post). I call BS!
Something else I learned is that it is extremely wrong of me to hope for one sex over the other. That I should just wish for a healthy baby. I once again call BS!
Another lesson is EVERYONE seems to think they can touch your belly when they feel like it or weigh in on your choice of names…uh let me think about that for a second…No.
So let me start with the first lesson:
It seems a lot of people had an “issue” with me knowing the sex, since it’s my first child and I don’t understand this. Whether this is my first child or my fifth, last time I checked in was MY child (and my husbands). I’m the one preparing for this child and my personality dictates that I need to plan, plan and plan some more. It causes me anxiety when I know a big event is coming up and I am not prepared. And folks this is a HUGE event. My entire life is going to be turned upside down and inside out and I NEED to hold on to any fragment of control I have left. And if that fragment of control is knowing the difference between choosing blue or pink for a blanket I’ll freaking take it! Not only that but, I also was REALLY stressing out over it, because I can admit I was not in the market for a girl. Which brings me to my next “lesson”.
People were shocked, that I was honest enough with myself and others to say, I wanted a boy. Would I have thrown the baby away if it was a girl, no. Would I not love her if it was a girl, of course I would love her! But I was terrified of having a girl for so many reasons. And I was honest about that. I am a girl, so I know ALL about what a girl is capable of. I know the hardships, I know the pain, I know the fear, and I KNOW the attitude! Not all girls are like that, I am fully aware, but this would be MY child, with a HUGE possibility of taking on some of my personality traits and that scared the HELL out of me. Because even if she had just a little of me in her, I am scared it would be too much.
I was reckless, I was fearless, I was sassy (still am), I pushed limits and boundaries, and my god I was creative , both in a good and bad way. I questioned and tested everything, and even with amazing, protective and strict parents my carelessness sometimes put me in situations that I could have really gotten hurt in or worse, and sometimes I did. I am surprised my parents made it out of my teenage years alive (or that I did for that matter). And if it wasn’t for a life altering event at 21, when my mom got sick, I’m not sure I would have ever really grown-up. And I thought you were supposed to want better for your child. A mini me is NOT what this world needs, and if we had a girl, my poor husband…my poor, poor husband.
I am going to love my child regardless, boy or girl, but it’s not wrong of me to have fears and be honest about them. It’s not wrong of me to let my fears dictate my wants. It’s human. It’s honest. I don’t need you to look down on me for them, or tell me I shouldn’t feel that way. I just need you to respect my feelings and understand that it’s my human right to have them as this is happening to me and my husband. And this experience and life altering event is different for everyone.
Which brings me to my third lesson… boundaries.
It seems once you get pregnant you are not allowed to have them. People seem to think that they can touch you when they want, rub your belly like you’re a genie and can grant them wishes, kiss and talk to your belly whenever they feel like it because of x reason or y reason. Again I call MAJOR bullshit!
This is still my body, I just happen to be hosting a growing party inside. Ask my permission first before you touch me. I am not a touchy feely person like that. I mean, I am a hugger, I like to hug people hello and good-bye, but there is a big difference between that and grabbing at my midsection! I may not be in the mood for it, and sometimes I am not feeling well or there is discomfort going on in that region. And there are other times when I just don’t want to be touched. period. I don’t need a reason to NOT be touched. Again, its MY body! And not everyone is a fluffy bunny when they are pregnant, all glowing and happy and ready to have a litter. I am sore, tired and most time nauseous and you grabbing at me is not making me feel better! Which leads me to….unless you are my husband or father of the child, it is weird and awkward for you to kiss my belly and talk to it! EXTREMELY WEIRD AND AWKWARD! Please stop. It totally weirds me out and I hate it. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I am already extremely uncomfortable I don’t need more discomfort! I don’t care what your relationship is to me or to my child. You DON’T have the right to do what ever you want to me just because I am a walking incubator and you may share some of my babies DNA or you and I have been besties since birth or you know my mom or you know my hairdresser…DON’T DO IT! period. And when I ask you not to do it, don’t laugh at me like I just told a joke, I mean it…DON’T DO IT!
And baby names…Oh. My. God. There are only 2 people who get a say in naming this child, and one of the two only gets one vote; since I get mine, plus the Grey’s Anatomy extra special vagina vote since I have to push out the watermelon sized bundle of joy.
So I don’t get why people say,” Oh, you can’t name him/her that” or “I don’t like that name what about this one”…NO, NO, NO people. Don’t hand me a list of your suggestions, I don’t care. Unless I ask “what do you think of this name” smile, nod and say I like it…even if you don’t…cause it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. He/she isn’t going to be mad at you 16 years from now for the name you chose, and seek therapy, that’s mine and my husbands gig!
Another thing about names: it is also not your job to hand out nicknames! If I wanted to call my kid Mike I would name him Mike, not Michael! If I want to call my kid Richard, don’t say to me “Great, I’ll call him Dick!” Or if I say I’m going to call her Olivia tell me your going to refer to her as Olly! Its annoying and it’s hard enough as it is to pick a name for your child, don’t make it worse for me. I am already hormonal enough as it is!
I know this is a journey for everyone in our lives, I get that, but everyone else get’s to have a break from the baby making business, I don’t. So respect that I may not always be sunshine and flowers and when I give you the death glare or tell you to stop just respect it, please. For your safety and my peace of mind.