I know in my last post (over a year ago) I wondered if I was going to be pregnant forever – I can say with certainty that I am not an elephant and I did in fact give birth. And little Henry Jakob arrived 3 days early after 29 HOURS of crazy labour. (more on that in my next post)
Now I know it’s been well over a year, and not to make any excuses, but if you had the year I had you would completely understand. Having a kid throws your world into a tailspin (in a good and a bad way) every spare moment I got over the last 15 months was spent sleeping, showering, eating and maybe if I was lucky after little man went to bed at night I got to catch up on my beloved TV.
And not only that, but I was brain dead…no joke. I think if they did a scan before I had Henry and after I had Henry you would see a significant loss in brain function. Being a mom is such a tough job; my day consisted of trying to keep my beautiful baby entertained, stimulated, educated, maintain his hygiene and sleep trained (Oh. My. God. The dreaded sleep training). Then I had to attempt to keep the house clean, do loads of never-ending laundry and feed everyone! Let’s just say by the end of the day I could barely string a logical Facebook status update or Tweet together, let alone a blog post.
But this year has been the best year of my entire life.
My son changed me the moment they placed him in my arms. I was blessed with getting to spend the first 10 hours of his life alone with him (and cursed because I got zero sleep for the next 2 days). It was just me and my baby boy trying to figure this new situation out. And there were bumps in our road!The first night home I stood for 5 hours straight with him propped up on my dresser trying to feed him while the poor sweet boy cried (The dresser was the perfect level for my breast as I was so exhausted and my arms so sore I couldn’t hold him up anymore and I was scared to drop him). Then, exhausted and terrified that I was starving my baby, I gave in and made him a bottle of formula while I cried so hard I was heaving about how I was a failure as a mother and a woman because I couldn’t do something that is supposed to be so “natural” and that millions of women had successfully done before me – breastfeed my child. It turned out Henry had a latching issue and after 10 weeks of working together (with the help of my booby partner – Thanks Lisa!) we got the hang of things and over a year later still going strong (it seems like every 5 minutes Henry is tapping my chest giving me cute face and saying “bub”). And that was just obstacle number one!
Then came the colic, then the sleep problems, as in neither he, nor I was getting any. But after 2 months or so, the colic stopped and looking back it was really only in the evening but it felt like all day. And after 10 months, some re-arranging of the apartment and Mr. “Home Ruler” getting his own room, he slept through night. And soon I was finding windows to shower, and the house was looking less like a disaster, and dinners were getting made AND eaten while fairly warm and our “adventures” to the park or the mall or where ever the day took us as long as it was out of the house became more frequent and routine. And my life became more about someone else’s happiness and needs and that started to coordinate with my own.
Before I knew it, I felt like I was managing my new world and feeling pretty put together (I had to adjust my standards on that one – for example, my bi-weekly mani/pedi is now bi-yearly, my make-up routine now consists of tinted moisturizer and mascara, if I remember. And I now wear yoga pants on a very regular basis instead of my cute jeans, which still don’t fit me BTW… my kid is cute, so no one is looking at me anymore anyhow). And all those things that I feared, those fears were put to rest and new ones surfaced. (Like how do I keep him safe while fighting off zombies during the Zombie Apocalypse – I am still taking suggestions on that one). And things I used to roll my eyes about when I heard other mom’s talk about pre-baby have became so important, like organic foods, sleep schedules and appropriate television shows and breastfeeding.
In other words, I made a big deal about how “No baby is going to change me” and he totally has and I’m admitting it, in writing. I am softer, yet fiercely more protective of him and now other children (Nothing hits me more now than when I see a child being abused or mistreated). His smile/giggle or tears can change my mood instantly. My priorities have completely shifted or changed completely (as evidenced by my lack of blog posts) and nothing and I literally mean nothing, is more fun or a better use of my time then going out and exploring even the smallest facets of his world with him. I’m a mom now, and I have to say, I LOVE IT!
Please Note: Breastfeeding IS natural, but I realized through my experience and talking to other BF Mommies that it is HARD for a lot of women and if you have trouble or choose not to continue breastfeeding or didn’t breastfeed at all for that matter, it doesn’t make you less of a woman or a mother.
But if you are breastfeeding and having trouble or concerned please check out Dr. Jack Newman. And if you are in Scarborough, Ontario go see Shelly at The Victoria Park Breastfeeding Clinic she is AMAZING!
Here are a few more pictures of my little guy and me…