It’s funny the things you notice at times. Right now I am obsessed with other people’s nails. The pretty spring colours, the dark shellacs, the French manicures, the real and the “enhanced”. I can’t stop staring at them, and then down and my own horrible hands. Man, my hands have aged horribly in the last 2 years.
I used to have nice nails and soft hands that smelled of the latest Bath and Bodyworks scent. Before Henry, I had a standing appointment at my local nail salon and every Friday night I got a pedicure and every other Friday I got my nails shellacked and an eyebrow wax. I had great nails and great feet (great eyebrows too). Those days are long gone and one look at my bushy eyebrows and horrible hands/feet prove it.
The last time I had a manicure Henry was 3 months old (he is almost 2), and the last pedicure I had was before I went to Croatia last July. And my eyebrows get waxed if I am lucky once every 2 months.
What happened to me?
I used to take such good care of myself, I mean even my hair has gone to shit. First, it’s constantly falling out…in chunks. Am I THAT stressed? I don’t feel that stressed. And I’ve gotten 2 haircuts in the last 2 years, when I never went more than 2 months without at least a trim. And don’t even get me started on my current “go to” do. I hate it, but I literally have 35 minutes to shower, get dressed, do my hair and put on make-up every morning before I have to get Henry up, dressed and going out the door to daycare…so up it goes in a cross between a ponytail and a bun with a “puff” up front cause I REALLY hate my hair slicked back when it’s curly…it’s gross! It’s how I used to wear it at the gym so it was out of the way.
And I don’t think there is enough make-up in the world that can hide the bags and the wrinkles that have now made a home around my eyes. I heard you don’t sleep in the beginning after the baby is born but he is almost 2! So why am I still getting up every 2 hours…on my own? It’s like my internal alarm clock has been hijacked and its mission is to torture me with sleep deprivation. Of course, once I am up my bladder decides it’s time to go, and then it takes me another 15 to 30 minutes to fall back to sleep only to do it all over again!
Oh and please, don’t even get me started on my wardrobe…basically if it fits I am wearing it. My work is business attire, and there are some great outfits around the office, and don’t even get me started on the shoes!! Oh my goodness it’s shoe porn everywhere here! But my black pants, plain shirt and cardigan will not win me any fashion awards and the way my nails and hair look, trust me I don’t’ want to be seen.
Which is why I have started my exercise routine which consists of running. Just running. I HATE RUNNING. But it’s the only exercise I can do where I don’t’ have to be in a bathing suit, and I don’t have time and can’t afford a gym and there is no room in my living room to do anything but sit. So I run. And it hurts, and did I mention I hate it? Right now my schedule can only manage 3 times a week for 35 minutes max and I wonder if it’s even going to make a difference. You might be wondering why I can only manage that little amount of time? Simple really, I can’t get out of the house to go until 9:15ish and I need to shower after and be in bed by 10:30pm.
Now add the excercise discomfort to the uncomfortable chair at work and it all adds up to my entire body aching like an 80 year old! I used to get massages at least once a month to fix that, but now I can’t justify paying $80 for an hour of bliss when I know it’s the equivalent of 2 boxes of diapers!
What happened to me?
I know I am supposed to take time out for me and I do but not nearly as often and only to do things that require little to no effort (like Netflix marathons) or money (like more Netflix marathons), because now that I am a parent I have very little of both. And so is my new life. Which after all of my complaining I actually do love because he is in it. I know I will find myself again…eventually.